Sunday, June 30, 2013

For the Advancement of Linguistics

So, as I have mentioned before, please get to work on coming up with a way to determine if there's anyone else in the room with you without sounding like a scared little kid. Seriously, this needs to happen. Like, pretend there's a society where, for whatever psychological/sociological/philosophical reason* people automatically snap when someone says, "Slap me snaps, Paps." So, upon detecting That Feeling When You're Alone Etc., you'd mutter to yourself, as if just absent-mindedly, "Slap me snaps, Paps." Then, if you heard a snap or more, you'd know you were about to get pranked or stabbed or whatever.
Obviously, we are not fortunate enough to live in a society kind enough to make this task, if you'll forgive the pun, so fucking simple. Thus, I call upon you, my dozens of fans, followers, hangers-on, roadies, groupies, gropees, sidekicks, entourage, and/or kids in the hall, set your collective mind to this task, and produce for the world to cherish and, let's hope, actually use, some smooth-sounding and dignity-maintaining way to find out if you actually are alone in the room. Although, honestly, I'll probably have forgotten about it by morning. I'm mostly just writing this to test my blogging thingy, which is apparently part of Google now? Are they still projected to own everything by 2017?

Fun Fact: In that hypothesized dystopia, ninja pupils would have their thumbs mutilated so that they could never snap again.

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