Thursday, May 1, 2014

Proposed: Hell's Kitchen Bitchin'

Would there be an audience for a podcast in which I watch "Hell's Kitchen" while cursing out everybody until I get fed up and change channels? Because if I'm gonna do that anyway, I might as well make other people listen to it. I'm reconsidering calling it "Hell's Kitchen Bitchin'," though. I'm worried people will think I'm saying "Hell's Kitchen, bitchin'!" like I'm a surfer who approves of it, which is like the exact opposite of the point. So maybe it should be "Bitchin' out Hell's Kitchen," and maybe it's just me, but that leaves me expecting a final syllable that rhmyes with 'out' which never comes, and that is unacceptable. Steampunk is still a thing, right? I could go with "Hell's Kitchen Grinds my Gears!" and... wait, that's not a sex reference for steampunks is it? Like it means you're horny for something, for example?
Is there a Twitter NASCAR? That would be a great ad, right? A NASCAR comes racing up and screeches to halt in a cloud of tire smoke and a NASCAR guy jumps out and Tweets something, zap! I think I would probably make a terrible ad man. I lack the instinct.
But anyway, back to the naming of this hypothetical venture.  Maybe just speak it plain, like, "A Mutant Rat Screams Imprecations at Idiots on TV, Hell's Kitchen edition." Ooh, that kinda rhymes a bit at the end. There's kind of already a lot of podcasts about angry people yelling, but none of them are mutant rats, so I've got a niche. 
Fun Fact: Over a third of all business ventures involving more than one person dissolve in a fight over the business name. Bonus fun fact: Over a fourth of all arguments over the name-to-be of a business end in violence.
This part of the podcast would be really boring because I'm not paying any attention to the show while I write up this description of my hypothetical podcast that will somehow take advantange of "kitchen" rhyming with "bitchin'." Ramsay is yelling about something, but I can't see anyone I personally care to yell at right now. Not yelling equals boring podcast, that's a rule.
When did they start adding goofy sound effects to "Hell's Kitchen"? Is the Cartoon Dimension starting to leak into ours again? The casting of pod will have to wait until I get to the bottom of this.
So, in conclusion, kids, don't lick railroad tracks in a rainstorm and never trust a squirrel with a secret you wouldn't tell your mom.